Another step closer!!

I have decided that I want to learn about holistic health care.  Not as a patient, although with my aching kidney it wouldn't be a bad idea!  But I mean for a career choice.  There are many great and accredited schools that offer online or correspondence type courses that would allow me to learn at the kitchen table while I teach my kids there too.  Not a bad idea!

I was interested in this option  about a year ago, and then decided that the time wasn't right.  Right now isn't either, however it is something that I will take into serious consideration for a very near future prospect.

There are many different schools that give different titles, certifications, and diplomas to what they offer so I know that I will need to be very clear about what it is that I am looking for and find out if they are going to fit that expectation.

The ideas that I am interested in  are holistic nutrition as it pertains to the health and well being of a person and how they eat and exercise and  herbal alternatives to doctor prescribed medications that may be safer on the body.  So far this is what I am looking for and am not sure if there is a program offered by one place that will fulfill this desire. 

anyone know please share!!

I think I may have figured something out

I've written numerous times about my failure to follow through with things that I want to do, try to do, or think about doing.  It may be fear holding me back but it may also be a restlessness that had been satiated long enough to move on to something else.

I may not have be destined to actually finish anything off!

But this is not what I have figured out.

I figured our last night when I was so tired that thinking was rendered difficult.  I love this time because that is when brilliant ideas hit you, that is when solutions to problems pop up.  The only problem with this is that you are so tired that more often than not, you don't get up to write these things down and have forgotten them by morning.  However, in this case, I didn't need to write it down (highly unusual).

I like learning and researching about something new.
I like looking at millions of books about different subjects and then dropping it.
I guess that can explain why I could never figure out what path to take after high school, there were so many interesting ways to go and I couldn't think about choosing only one! 

Case in point:

With each of my boys in infancy there was the typical diaper rash experiences.  Who doesn't go through that, right?  Well, with each of them I noticed a sensitivity to the zinc oxide in the creams that you can buy.  Most have about 12-15% of this remedy in them no matter how expensive or how "natural" they claimed their product was.  Both of my boys were slightly allergic to the zinc in the creams as the higher the percentage the worse the rashes got.  So, being the fantastic mom I am, I began to research natural, holistic, organic and herbal ingredients that exist and I was going to develop my own product.

Great idea!!

I grabbed every book from the library, and read almost everything online that I could find.

The result:   I am more confused than when I started!!
I also thought that if I could learn about the ingredients that I would need then I could buy them and experiment on the combinations.  But the only place to get them here in Ottawa, is online.  So then I found a shop in BC that sold all types of ingredients for home made products. I loved it!  They were offering up franchise opportunities!  How about that!  Then I obviously thought that I could open my own shop and there for learn all I needed to learn about all homemade natural beauty products.  I knew of two areas in Ottawa that would definitely be the best locations that I could think off for success!  The Glebe and Westboro!  Amazing idea!  But what if I wasn't really good at running a business?  I proved myself capable in a home business, however, after two years I still was not running into actual profits over all the expenses.  And then there's the idea that I'd have to stay here in Ottawa if I were to start a business with a location presence. Hmm...still sitting on that business idea.


Then I decided that I needed to learn about holistic and herbal healing more deeply in order to understand what it was that I wanted to do with this product.  Not a bad idea seeing as how I love to learn new things and to study something that interests me.

However, online courses or mail order courses to learn these things are expensive and I am left wondering if it is indeed worth it to do this.  Why?  Because it would then make me compelled to start a career in the one field, and I question whether it is the only thing I want to do.

That is what I figured out about myself!!

If I study something, to become a qualified someone or other, then I feel that I may have shortchanged myself from being something else. Second guessing whether or not I made the right decision.

I had wanted to study to become a nurse, and I had to do correspondence courses to upgrade high school credits, and found that I was better at those courses than I thought!  But I never went ahead with nursing because I learned how emotionally involved I am with people no matter if I knew them or not, and knew that this would not be helpful.

I recently looked into studying holistic nutrition.  As I am looking for healthier ways to live my life and have had an interest in the health of my family, I thought that if I could learn more, I could help more people.  So what stopped me?  Two things.  One was the cost...yet again causing me to rethink whether this was the "it" I had been searching for, the career I really wanted.  And second, the most important one I believe in this particular case, local need.  This particular school, which is nationally acclaimed, is here in Ottawa.  Great! Even better!! Then I found a list of some graduates that worked here in Ottawa and decided to email a few of them and ask them to give me an honest answer to a burning question. 

How was business?

One woman answered that it was not bad, but she struggled to make it prosperous.

Another woman answered that it was not good at all.  She had five different businesses going at the same time, most of them related to each other, but a few were not related at all.

Another woman told me that she continued to have her certification and struggled just to keep her license going as she barely has any clients.

Verdict, Hubby and I think that Ottawa is not ready to embrace holistic health and nutrition the way more advanced cities are.  Maybe that is why an old friend from high school that has taken this exact same course here in Ottawa and is now located in Windsor.  And doing well, I am so happy for her!

Then there's the desire to become a writer.

I can't just write the story in my head, I've been trying that for the last 8 years.  I have journal upon journal and even have a whole bunch of files started on my computer of the same damn story started in different ways.  Mostly the same story but in many cases they are different.  I have been trying to incorporate a particular scene that I has come up with and a main character but have yet to figure out how to tie it all together.

So what do I think will help?  Studying how to write books by reading books that teach writing.  Redundant, I know.  But I don't have the time or the money to study it in university.

I recently found my portfolio.  In my early twenties I was a sculptor.  I went to great lengths to stylishly photograph all my pieces to make a portfolio and sent them off to universities with outstanding arts programs.  I was accepted to the University of Windsor, they said they were excited to have me come in, I never went.  I like to think that I chose to stay because I fell in love with the man of my dreams, but hindsight is 20/20 and I know now that I would never have lost him if I had went anyway.  But then again, I wouldn't have my kids now. So things work out for a reason, But I admit that I was nervous about spending ten thousand dollars to study to be something that I thought I already was.  I haven't sculpted a damn thing since then either. 

I have offered many examples of what I have thought of in these past few years as proof that I figured out that I am eager to learn new things but afraid to make one thing "my" thing.  Lost I guess.  And afraid that if I decide to do something tangible that it would be the wrong thing and have wasted time and money in that process of figuring it out. 

any advice?  Sometimes it is easier others that aren't as close to the problems as I am to help me see it clearer.  What do you think?

Rough work, but will you read and comment?

I have decided to start writing...again.

I have this Character in my head and have had her there for about 8 years.  There are many different ways that I have attempted to execute this particular story line and feel that maybe I have finally found it.  I wrote three "word" pages the other day and have not edited it for the sake of just puttingg it onto "paper".

I would like to add it to the body of a blank post, but I wonder if I should?  Will you read it?  Will you give me feedback on how you feel about it?? Yes I actually do want that!  Good Bad and Ugly!!

Maybe I should post here instead of making you wait...


Here Goes....

             Rena was a lawyer, technically speaking. There was a long line of lawyers in her family so it was expected that she would do the same.  No one ever thought for a moment that the experiences she had would cause her difficulties in performing the job that was expected of her.  That is until she was leading her first case in court.

She had done a great job in the three years since passing the bar, at avoiding any court time at all, by being a very good negotiator and settling to make everyone happy.  That is until her most recent case.  A very public and very nasty divorce that turned even nastier when the husband supposedly killed his wife.  Being the husbands divorce lawyer, she was turned into his defence lawyer by her superiors. 

That was when she lost control and began with tremors, sweating, dizziness, and progressed; in the middle of what was a very long and tumultuous day; to passing out cold on the floor as she rose to begin her round of questioning of a particularly vital witness.

She was relieved of the case by her superiors because they thought that she needed stress leave from overwork.  And when she was given another hefty case upon her return, the same happened again.  That was when she realized that she would never be able to stand in court in front of large groups of people and steer the case where she wanted it to go.  While she was very good at every thing else a lawyer needed to do, she just couldn’t be in front of people.

That was when her superiors decided to transfer her to a different department within the firm, working solely with real estate high rollers.  She was mortified. Her family would not accept the defeat and tried to convince her that she needed to appeal for her job, and had in fact tried to do just that behind her back.

She silently packed up her things from her desk and moved to her new job, with her head down and her heart stricken. No one spoke to her as she left. “So much for friendships” she thought to herself.  “They obviously really weren’t her friends”. Sighing to herself as she waited for the elevator doors to open onto her new office floor she wondered if this was going to be better, or worse.

As she looked out of the elevator she noticed a lot of open space, big open windows, and desks in a large circle around the room.  No cubicle walls, no offices, no closed doors, no roller shades blocking the sunlight, and lots of greenery.  The people closest to her looked up and actually smiled at her.  What a shock this was after the cold stares and smugness that came off everyone on the upper floors.

A redheaded woman with more curves than her small stature could handle came racing towards her with the biggest smile Rena had ever seen.

“Hi, Rena Doyle, right?  I am Marsha Hicks.  Let me show you to your desk so you can put this stuff down, and I’ll show you to the boss man”

“Um, Thanks, Marsha.  How did you know?”

“Boss Man knew since yesterday and had a desk brought up for you and had me looking out for your arrival.”

“What did they tell you, from upstairs I mean?

“Did you come from upstairs?  I had no idea, I thought you were a new hire”

Marsha wasn’t looking directly at Rena this time so she knew that she wasn’t telling her the truth, but was grateful that she didn’t seem eager to gossip, or to hold it against her.

After settling her things onto her new desk, she looked around and admired the layout, very personal but also social as well. 

“Do you like the layout?” Marsha asked.

“I think that I do, there’s less ‘each man for himself’ and more ‘all for one and one for all’ going on here. Is that the angle?”

“It sure is, I’ll tell the Boss Man that you got it on the first shot.  He’ll like you for that!  The higher powers that be are constantly giving him a hard time for his layout, his work ethic, his candour with the staff, etc,etc,etc, you know how it goes, when someone does something differently he accused of rocking the corporate boat. Let’s go see him now”

They walked to the end of the large room and found a large desk joined in the circle inhabited by a man in his mid fifties. 

“Hey, Boss Man, This is Rena Doyle, our new recruit…Rena, Boss Man.”

“Marsha, please, it’s Ron.  Rena, welcome, Marsha is going to show you the ropes around here, but if you have any questions you can ask me or anyone else for that matter, and if no one here knows then you don’t really need to know! Kidding!”

“Rena likes your layout, Ron, she actually got the meaning, too”

“Good then we’ll get a long brilliantly. Now we are heading into morning meeting time so let’s gather everyone.”

All the associates in the office sat on or at their desks and put their full attention to the Boss Man, Ron, and waited silently for the days’ news.

“Good Tuesday Morning folks, a brief recap on our Monday progress, 5 closes…and three new bids put in, good work, Today has six closes lined up, and lets see what we can do to beat our daily best of 10 bids!

  We welcome Rena Doyle to the group, let’s show her the ropes and give her a hand in settling in, professionally Mack, I mean it…I’ve got two new clients for us to work with.  Marsha, since you are going to bring Rena up to speed you two will take a client and go through it together.   Also, there are three new buildings that were put on the market yesterday, and they are hot properties, I posted them on the board and I want you to go over them carefully to see which of our clients are most likely to want to benefit from them in the immediate future. Any questions…No. Good. Dismissed.”

“Alright, So I have a full client list as it is right now, and that has me pretty darn busy, so we are going to give this new client to you to work with independently, but I will work with you to show you how it works here. Sound good?” Marsha asked Rena.

“That would be really appreciated, Thanks, So what exactly am I now?  Am I a lawyer, or a Real Estate Agent?”

“Technically, you’re a lawyer, we all are, however, in this firm we have clientele that buy and sell real estate like they buy burgers and toss the wrappers, so they alone keep us in business full time.  And many of them are busy trying to rebuild broken down properties to sell for profit so we find them properties to keep ourselves useful and profitable too.”

“Interesting, how then, do you know what to look for?”

“That’s what I think is part of the fun, when we get a new client, like this one that Ron handed over, we build a profile on their current businesses, past businesses, successes, failures, and all that.  Then we interview them.  Most times we interview with the assistant or secretary first, then the client themselves.  It all depends on how much of a high roller they are in business.  We build a profile on what they want, what they don’t want, and what they may be up for if the challenge in just right.  This part takes a while because we need to be really thorough so we don’t miss our clients any opportunities.  And then after that we put together a few prospective properties and go and meet with them.”

“So, we do research, on the client, on the properties, and then put the paperwork in motion for the sales of these properties”

“Exactly”

“This is so right up my alley!” Rena sighed deeply, and happily.  It’s true, this is exactly what she could handle, and she knew that she was going to do very well in her new job.

My Follow-Through

As you may remember, I told you about this little problem of huge consequence, my trouble with follow through.  Well, I am just going to post a quick update, as my arms are killing me and typing is increasingly difficult with little blood in my hands!

I tried, three days ago, to find a video on Youtube of Jillian Michaels doing her thang, and found a 6 min video posted.  While all the other videos that came after were deleted by the Youtube powers that be, I realized pain very quickly anyway! Squats are not fun!! And yes it is true she is hard on you, but that's probably why she's so popular and so good at the results....it is what we want right?

Then I searched around plenty on Youtube and found a full workout video by the very sweet Zuzana at the Bodyrock.tv blog site...and have found IT!!  New workouts every other day, food helps, articles, photos, videos, and its all free!!!!  Nice!  and so far i haven't had to work out longer than 15 mins...technically...I am so damn out of shape that I can't finish the whole thing...in fact i could barely finish one "burpee" or "dive bomber" push-up three nights ago when i tried it out...and now i have done three nights in a row and have finally, and vereeeee painfully ,finished one of each...I am proud of myself and in serious pain!  I have been hobbling up and down the stairs for two days now...the thighs are killer!! not to mention the arms....i have a hard time with the push ups even the easy on the knees style. i had to modify the modified push-ups to the point that i may have looked like a seal or walrus trying to lift herself to a standing position!

Well, as I was trying to say, I am following through!  I am moving my Not-Too-Fat Ass and working up a sweat (EW!) and raising my heart rate for a little while....we'll see what happens when I can actually handle more than ! of each move before collapsing in a stupor!

Stripping.....Me

     Many of you have been following me, sort of.  You read what I have to say and keep to yourselves. Even when I ask for you opinions, I tend to get none. So, I will keep trying, and I will keep on writing my random thoughts because I am attempting to discover me, remember?  And I am attempting to discover how to keep me sane, while I also discover what it is I want.

     So, you may want to have an update about My First Ever Decision!  I have gone to the gym less than I count on one hand.  Remember the post about follow through issues??   But, in case it sounds like I am giving myself permission to use excuses for not going to the gym, this time I really did have a seriously good reason....a kidney infection.  It doesn't sound so bad but it felt terribly painful to move.  Even now after the meds are finished it is still slightly tender, maybe now it is bruised. I did leave the damned thing to go from a urinary tract infection in October, to a bladder infection in December, to slight pains growing until serious enough to warrant a visit to the doctor only three weeks ago.....\Damnit...there's a follow through issue too, huh?  

Anyway, I thought that I would chat about my weighty issue....should I workout now or wait until next year?  Yes, you can laugh right now, because it sounds ridiculous to admit to procrastinating without even trying to lie about it.  You see, I want to have another baby, hopefully a girl. And we are working on that sooner rather than later, my clock is ticking!!...and the boys are 8 and 4, I don't want to wait much longer!  I tease my hubby that I want to be like the Duggar's (insert evil laugh now) I am not as patient or centered, although I have grown immensely in the last 8 years, I also know that I don't consciously want to be pregnant into my forties. So, that don't leave me much time!  Exaggerating a little bit as this Friday, May 6th, I will be turning 32..

I thought that I would add one of those "before" pictures of me in work out gear in the hopes that I could seriously add some public humiliation to the simmering embers of motivation.  The only thing I did differently in my "before" picture is I actually smiled.  Those nasty, moping, brooding "before" pictures of all those people who lose hundreds of pounds, or just 20, make the "after" pictures look even better. But how can it not look better, from a home camera with bad lighting, to figure flattering clothes, colours, make-up and a professional photographer?  But I thought that if I were to do my own "before and after' I would definitely need to smile.  No, It's not pretty, It's not perfect, It's me.  I am not healthy, I have no child like energy or endurance, and I hate shopping for clothes. 

So, while this pic was shot in February, not a thing has changed!

And there's one more thing.....who can I get a killer bod, have my three kids, and not sweat???(I hate sweating)