Who Am I ~ Part two

After writing my brief, yet cheesy, mini biography I was overcome with exhaustion and went for a nap.  During the day I rest, but my brain doesn't.   So, while I let me brain free fall from place to place without paying much attention to it, I had an epiphany.

     Alright, maybe it wasn't something quite that grandiose, but I nevertheless had a moment of realization about myself.  It is one thing to think it and to feel that it is right, but take a deep breath and just type it already!!

                         I am not happy.
                         I am not fulfilled.

Now, that I have shocked you a little bit, I will clarify those statements.


                          I have come to identify myself as Three Women:
                               WIFE
                               MOTHER
                               MYSELF

As wife and mother I am very happy and fulfilled.  My boys are wonderful people that amaze me everyday, and I would love to add a little girl to our family tree.  My husband has been the best friend I could ever want.

But my satisfaction with my life is on an entirely personal level.  It's All Me.

If I were to tell this to my husband he probably wouldn't be surprised as I have said this in some way over the years, usually in a crying fit from post-partum depression!

     I am unsettled by this thought though because I am not sure of how to accomplish fulfilling my personal self.  So, I have been going over the books again on the Law of Attraction, and Living Deeply, and God knows what else I have grabbed from the library today, in the hopes of being able to figure out what I am missing!

You are supposed to start writing a list of what you want...no censor's, no hesitations, no correction of any kind....just write.  In fact it is recommended to have someone do the writing for you (as the act of thinking then writing actually switches from right brain to leaft braina nd disrupts to whole process of free thinking) and the writer is to ask you "what do you want" over and over again.  Each answer goes futher and further into your true self.  Supposedly you are shocked or moved by the answers you come to in this process. 
     I started this by myself, but for obvious reasons it didn't work quite in the same way.  So I stopped and watched YouTube videos of the Duggar family from Arkansas.  19 kids.  and they have it together, it seems.   I will think on this again and come back to it though.