I have recently read an article about someone I went to High School with and am blown away with the accomplishments that he has done in only 15 years since graduation....alright the most amazing of those accomplishments have been in the last 7 years! Read the article for your self here.
So, now that I am still trying to figure myself out....I wonder what other success stories there are from my high school peers? What have my peers done with their lives? I would be honoured if any of you reading this would reply with a comment to let me and the world know!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Holy Shit, Batman!
It's hard to imagine what happens when time stands still and yet races past like a horny teenager going to a kegger. It's even harder to imagine that we are supposed to slow down and enjoy our days when it's all we can do to catch up!
I have no idea what happened these last few days except that the dark fog is slowly starting to open a few pockets of light. Depression; a big fat bitch that doesn't deserve the attention she gets and instead of poking her with a stick through the bars of the circus cage I get a first hand experience of how it feels to have this huge bitch sit on me. Even though she's getting restless and moves about once in a while I still can't really breathe.
How do I cope?
Barely.
I try to immerse myself in researching things online for myself, for my family, for our homeschool, anything. I even play on Pogo.com once in a while to allow my mind to zone out and remain detached from my present state of being. The interesting thing about depression is the desire to be alone, and with my hubby busting his ass at two jobs, one of them being really fucking shitty, is that I go to bed alone and don't socialize with my hubby until morning when he gets ready for his day job, and then I may have slept somewhat and can be in a better mood.
I have no idea what happened these last few days except that the dark fog is slowly starting to open a few pockets of light. Depression; a big fat bitch that doesn't deserve the attention she gets and instead of poking her with a stick through the bars of the circus cage I get a first hand experience of how it feels to have this huge bitch sit on me. Even though she's getting restless and moves about once in a while I still can't really breathe.
How do I cope?
Barely.
I try to immerse myself in researching things online for myself, for my family, for our homeschool, anything. I even play on Pogo.com once in a while to allow my mind to zone out and remain detached from my present state of being. The interesting thing about depression is the desire to be alone, and with my hubby busting his ass at two jobs, one of them being really fucking shitty, is that I go to bed alone and don't socialize with my hubby until morning when he gets ready for his day job, and then I may have slept somewhat and can be in a better mood.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Admitting a horrible day
I would like to admit to having had a bad day.
Sure i have those often and in fact I have had a bad few weeks when you look at how many anxiety attacks I've had and bouts of roller coaster depression. yahoo. fun. times.
But today was different, my DH decided it was time to go shopping. for me. sigh. i hate shopping. i hate my weight and going shopping reminds me of that problem and i hate spending money to accommodate that problem. Not to mention the fact that I don't feel that I qualify for 90% of the "styles" the store carries now for spring, they are either too young or too old both of which are inappropriate.
I didn't feel that I had too bad a problem, i mean i spent the last two years wearing size 10 or 12 from Ricki's. However, having worked there for 6 months a while back I should know better than to let that "good feeling" go to my head. You see, Ricki's has lied to the world about sizing, but in our favour! Which i can understand to be a good thing, but if you see something you like in another store, you'll have to go bigger.
So, my uncomfortable shopping trip turned worse, because I had to shop in one of "those" stores. you know the ones, where instead of snooty sales people who are too skinny for words and look at you like you don't belong in "their" clothes, instead you get the girl with the warm fuzzies about "helping" you find "something" that fits with that tone of voice, the side tilting nod of the head (like they are thinking you poor thing your just like me) and then she proceeds to give you the items that she's wearing in 4x and want you to look just like her!!
Well, i am in the x size category and 14 pant size, but when the store sales girls are all of the 4x variety and treat you with that oh how sad behaviour i want to whip out my wrist and start gnawing on it. i didn't want to go back to that store ever again, but since realizing the Ricki's clothes, while nice pretty and trendy, last all of two months before dying and stinky painful death i didn't want to spend another 39.99 for one shirt, so my options....the plus size store. fuck in hell.
to make matters worse my DH and two sons (who both had a fever and weren't feeling well) were along for the show. yahoo. fun. times.
Sure i have those often and in fact I have had a bad few weeks when you look at how many anxiety attacks I've had and bouts of roller coaster depression. yahoo. fun. times.
But today was different, my DH decided it was time to go shopping. for me. sigh. i hate shopping. i hate my weight and going shopping reminds me of that problem and i hate spending money to accommodate that problem. Not to mention the fact that I don't feel that I qualify for 90% of the "styles" the store carries now for spring, they are either too young or too old both of which are inappropriate.
I didn't feel that I had too bad a problem, i mean i spent the last two years wearing size 10 or 12 from Ricki's. However, having worked there for 6 months a while back I should know better than to let that "good feeling" go to my head. You see, Ricki's has lied to the world about sizing, but in our favour! Which i can understand to be a good thing, but if you see something you like in another store, you'll have to go bigger.
So, my uncomfortable shopping trip turned worse, because I had to shop in one of "those" stores. you know the ones, where instead of snooty sales people who are too skinny for words and look at you like you don't belong in "their" clothes, instead you get the girl with the warm fuzzies about "helping" you find "something" that fits with that tone of voice, the side tilting nod of the head (like they are thinking you poor thing your just like me) and then she proceeds to give you the items that she's wearing in 4x and want you to look just like her!!
Well, i am in the x size category and 14 pant size, but when the store sales girls are all of the 4x variety and treat you with that oh how sad behaviour i want to whip out my wrist and start gnawing on it. i didn't want to go back to that store ever again, but since realizing the Ricki's clothes, while nice pretty and trendy, last all of two months before dying and stinky painful death i didn't want to spend another 39.99 for one shirt, so my options....the plus size store. fuck in hell.
to make matters worse my DH and two sons (who both had a fever and weren't feeling well) were along for the show. yahoo. fun. times.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
project search help!
"i am looking for a paper project...just don't know what it's called....it lookes like a picture with a tab on the side and when you pull it the picture changes...does anyone know what i mean?? help a girl out!!"
Sunday, March 6, 2011
In Response to Healthier food...
As you may know I was making yogurt in my Crock Pot, and it was supposed to be a fool proof recipe!! What in the world happened!! I opened it up to a wafting scent of fresh yogurt, Yahoo, I thinks me have success!!
Wait, no I don't!
It turns out that the watery/ yellowy substance floated along the top, and the "yogurt" that was supposed to be creamy was curdled. Hmm, what went wrong??
So, I set it out to strain over night and took a look in the morning...
So you know what I ended up with?!?!?!?!?!?
Dry Cottage Cheese.
That is not yogurt, but it has it's bonus points, because as a woman married into a Hungarian family it has become known that a certain type of pastry filled with dry cottage cheese, raisins, and sugar and then baked until golden brown and flaky is a favourite that I somehow managed to learn how to make! Bonus Points...I need as many as I can get!! Please see this blog to know what I mean.
And it is a cottage cheese without all the serious salt that you would normally find in the stores.
Bonus!!
But what about yogurt?? what did I do wrong??
Wait, no I don't!
It turns out that the watery/ yellowy substance floated along the top, and the "yogurt" that was supposed to be creamy was curdled. Hmm, what went wrong??
So, I set it out to strain over night and took a look in the morning...
So you know what I ended up with?!?!?!?!?!?
Dry Cottage Cheese.
That is not yogurt, but it has it's bonus points, because as a woman married into a Hungarian family it has become known that a certain type of pastry filled with dry cottage cheese, raisins, and sugar and then baked until golden brown and flaky is a favourite that I somehow managed to learn how to make! Bonus Points...I need as many as I can get!! Please see this blog to know what I mean.
And it is a cottage cheese without all the serious salt that you would normally find in the stores.
Bonus!!
But what about yogurt?? what did I do wrong??
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Healthier food
I am going to try to make fresh homemade yogurt in my crockpot. So, I will start with this link to start...The blog site owner has that cookbook on the left and I have seen this at my city library. In fact I think I have seen it on the Library Book-Mobile. If i like this i may borrow the cook book and see what else I can do with my cooker that Is not traditional!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I started my List!! Here is PART 1
For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about you can catch up Here and Here. My list is the things I want for me and my life now and my life for the future. Sounds easy, Eh??
What a laugh!!
As you many also know that I have decided to embark on the weight training for life route. No, it is not dieting, no it is not exercising to lose weight (which I need anyway) but I am changing my life for all of my life, not just for a year or two "until I get" X. I have done that and moved on! Working my butt off until I lose 10, 20, 30 lbs and then stopping because my goal is reached is not working for me nor anyone else in the world!!!
So now that I have that started, and Yes, it is actually working, i've been to the gym three times this week already. Now I am ready to move on to the other part of this journey. Making the list!
It is an important step to being able to fully immerse yourself in what you want to be able to actualize it. If you can't see it, if you don't know it, if you don't feel it....then it will never come to being for you.
I can remind all of you about the Power of The Secret, the power of the Law of Attraction, and the power of Vision boards, but after reading a few of my previous posts your gonna have to learn about it yourself!
Just watch this for starters and then keep searching!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8
I have tried to create my want list as statements instead of a point form list. I am going to need feedback to make sure they are positive statements! I have used Making Your Dreams Come True by Marcia Weider for this step as I like the format she provides in her book.
My Fitness Dream: My Health Dream:
My dream is to be sculpted, toned and to be filled with strength, energy, stamina, good immunity.
I dream to be strong and flexible physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
My Friendship Dream:
My dream is to have true friends filled with love, respect, and honesty for me while I am filled with love, respect and honesty for them.
My Professional Dream:
My dream is to be a published and celebrated author. To have the words flow easily for every title I choose to write.
(Deep sigh)
Alright, now that is done....
Universe.....Show me the way!
What a laugh!!
As you many also know that I have decided to embark on the weight training for life route. No, it is not dieting, no it is not exercising to lose weight (which I need anyway) but I am changing my life for all of my life, not just for a year or two "until I get" X. I have done that and moved on! Working my butt off until I lose 10, 20, 30 lbs and then stopping because my goal is reached is not working for me nor anyone else in the world!!!
So now that I have that started, and Yes, it is actually working, i've been to the gym three times this week already. Now I am ready to move on to the other part of this journey. Making the list!
It is an important step to being able to fully immerse yourself in what you want to be able to actualize it. If you can't see it, if you don't know it, if you don't feel it....then it will never come to being for you.
I can remind all of you about the Power of The Secret, the power of the Law of Attraction, and the power of Vision boards, but after reading a few of my previous posts your gonna have to learn about it yourself!
Just watch this for starters and then keep searching!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8
I have tried to create my want list as statements instead of a point form list. I am going to need feedback to make sure they are positive statements! I have used Making Your Dreams Come True by Marcia Weider for this step as I like the format she provides in her book.
My Fitness Dream: My Health Dream:
My dream is to be sculpted, toned and to be filled with strength, energy, stamina, good immunity.
I dream to be strong and flexible physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
My Friendship Dream:My dream is to have true friends filled with love, respect, and honesty for me while I am filled with love, respect and honesty for them.
My Professional Dream:
My dream is to be a published and celebrated author. To have the words flow easily for every title I choose to write.
(Deep sigh)
Alright, now that is done....
Universe.....Show me the way!
Who Left Me With the Cranky Pants?
Alright, Who did it??
I woke up this morning and someone left me a pair of cranky pants. Now, which one of the garden gnomes buried in snow did it???? Cause dammit, I am going to bite off a piece of whomever it was!!
Everyone, once in a while, has one of those days where everything may not "go" wrong but "feels" wrong. It feels like cat piss in your cornflakes, nails on a chalkboard, and dammit hand me that loaf of bread and that damn bowl of pasta....NOW!!
And to make matters worse, someone tells you to "calm down" and "take it easy" and even has ( I really want to say 'audacity' because that is proper, however,) the-great-big-pair-of-blue-balls to say "What have got to be so riled up about?" and "What's to be stressed about? You stay home all day??"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh
No,(thankfully) it was NOT my darling husband, whom would never, ever think to say that to me lest he be chewed on too.
But, honestly, What the hell gives?? Can't a woman be free to express herself when angry?? Why is it that we must always be the picture of perfect happiness, composure and strength?? I think a strong woman is a woman who can express herself freely; good, bad and ugly! And why is it that when we are experiencing higher levels of stress, for whatever reason we have, someone comes along and diminishes it, ridicules it and generally makes you feel inadequate and ridiculous for the feelings in the first place??
And why is it usually a man, or a woman with no children, who do this to us?? Is their stress rated higher on the importance scale just because my stress involves menu planning, shopping for said menu's, laundry, and cleaning? But do they realize that I am schooling my kids all by myself as well?? Does that additional stress of a typical stay at home mom qualify me for permission to be stressed out and cranky? Or am I actually disqualified because I don't make an income? If there was a way that I could make an income and still do what I do at home, honey, I would!! (in fact I did, and doing home parties doesn't fit the bill right now because I can't go out of my home)
As I have spent most of my day in a serious case of wearing those damn cranky-bitch pants I wonder these things and who exactly did leave them in my room this morning.
I woke up this morning and someone left me a pair of cranky pants. Now, which one of the garden gnomes buried in snow did it???? Cause dammit, I am going to bite off a piece of whomever it was!!
Everyone, once in a while, has one of those days where everything may not "go" wrong but "feels" wrong. It feels like cat piss in your cornflakes, nails on a chalkboard, and dammit hand me that loaf of bread and that damn bowl of pasta....NOW!!
And to make matters worse, someone tells you to "calm down" and "take it easy" and even has ( I really want to say 'audacity' because that is proper, however,) the-great-big-pair-of-blue-balls to say "What have got to be so riled up about?" and "What's to be stressed about? You stay home all day??"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh
No,(thankfully) it was NOT my darling husband, whom would never, ever think to say that to me lest he be chewed on too.
But, honestly, What the hell gives?? Can't a woman be free to express herself when angry?? Why is it that we must always be the picture of perfect happiness, composure and strength?? I think a strong woman is a woman who can express herself freely; good, bad and ugly! And why is it that when we are experiencing higher levels of stress, for whatever reason we have, someone comes along and diminishes it, ridicules it and generally makes you feel inadequate and ridiculous for the feelings in the first place??
And why is it usually a man, or a woman with no children, who do this to us?? Is their stress rated higher on the importance scale just because my stress involves menu planning, shopping for said menu's, laundry, and cleaning? But do they realize that I am schooling my kids all by myself as well?? Does that additional stress of a typical stay at home mom qualify me for permission to be stressed out and cranky? Or am I actually disqualified because I don't make an income? If there was a way that I could make an income and still do what I do at home, honey, I would!! (in fact I did, and doing home parties doesn't fit the bill right now because I can't go out of my home)
As I have spent most of my day in a serious case of wearing those damn cranky-bitch pants I wonder these things and who exactly did leave them in my room this morning.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Do I Have Wrinkles?
http://bit.ly/ggW9yS This blog posting has me wondering.....Do I have wrinkles?? I know that I certainly have grey hair that I have to cover up more and more often than I used to!!! But wrinkles...come on!!
Who in the world has wrinkles at 31!!! The Babe, surely cannot actually have wrinkles too?!!!!??!?
What is the world coming to? I have to admit that I am thrown for a loop...I mean I am still in my twenties!! At least I think that way (even though I feel older)....Have you ever noticed that when you look at other Moms you feel like they are older than you, and they have it together better? Or just that they are older and your just a young mommy. Sometimes I have felt that when in the company on other Homeschooling Moms that I am not as old as they are (and maybe even feel that it makes me not fit in??)
It is late, I am not thinking straight, my thoughts are scattered and incoherent...my apologies. I will probably delete this posting tomorrow....
Who in the world has wrinkles at 31!!! The Babe, surely cannot actually have wrinkles too?!!!!??!?
What is the world coming to? I have to admit that I am thrown for a loop...I mean I am still in my twenties!! At least I think that way (even though I feel older)....Have you ever noticed that when you look at other Moms you feel like they are older than you, and they have it together better? Or just that they are older and your just a young mommy. Sometimes I have felt that when in the company on other Homeschooling Moms that I am not as old as they are (and maybe even feel that it makes me not fit in??)
It is late, I am not thinking straight, my thoughts are scattered and incoherent...my apologies. I will probably delete this posting tomorrow....
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